


Scapegoat

by Laurasauras



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon-Typical Politics, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Pesterquest, epilogue compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 16:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: The final friend you have yet to meet is Gamzee Makara. You don't know if friendship is actually the goal, here. Please use the internal links rather than the AO3 chapter buttons.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had to rush to get this out before the actual Pessterquest dropped! I haven't played any of the Pesterquest routes because they aren't available to play yet, and I wanted to get my prediction for the final point of the story out before any of my headcanons were changed by canon. 
> 
> This is _not_ subtle. It's building on the politics from the Epilogues and Friendsim. It's taking themes and making them explicit. In an ideal world, you would have played through the other volumes before you got to this, and it would feel less like being hit on the head with a moral mallet. But, Gamzee is intentionally surrounded by plot contrivance, so that fits as well. 
> 
> I look forward to seeing what I got wrong when the actual game comes out!

You’re tired. You’re sick of this. FRIENDSHIP, or whatever it was you were hoping to accomplish here, is the smallest item on a long and troubled list of utter BULLSHIT that you’ve been through. 

Knowing these kids, these people better hasn’t helped anything.

You look down at the app Sollux gave you. A large improvement from Terezi’s “map” that was actually just an excuse to draw June as ugly as she could make her and Dave bumping fists with herself on what you think were skateboards. That’s still fondly in your back pocket, but the app really is more convenient.

For one thing, the way you’re unstuck from time makes a pretty big difference. You like that you can scroll the little time wheel like the trolls could on Trollian and see the little icons move around space, tracking where everyone is. The idea of them being somewhere without a computer is unthinkable. It’s depressing how the numbers decrease as you progress into the future.

You’ve met almost everyone. You can’t say you hit it off immediately with some, or that they’re all perfect, but they are all real to you now in a way they weren’t so much when you were reading about their adventures in that stupid room in Scratch’s mansion. 

There’s one you’ve been delaying. You look at the symbol for capricorn on your screen with reluctance. You’ve done some fucked up shit in your time, but … You take a deep sigh and drag the slider back, back before he started acting as a puppet for Lord English, back when he was just a dopey kid with lusus issues. You’ve met clowns at the height of their power and you don’t really want to do it again. Though admittedly Karako didn’t seem less capable for all his youth. Whatever, earlier is safer, you’re sure of that.

You concentrate … and … ZAP!

You arrive back on Alternia. You almost missed the double moons. 

You’re a fair distance from Gamzee’s hive, you hadn’t wanted to alarm him. You find him outside it, cross-legged on the beach, facing the ocean and seemingly oblivious to your approach.

*Cough*

Gamzee startles and unfolds himself, rising to his feet like a pop-up picture book with the kind of grace that comes from not really caring if you fall over or not.

GAMZEE: WoAh…

You wave. 

GAMZEE: MoThErFuCkEr I wAs NoT oN aLeRt FoR yOuR aPpEaRaNcE aLl Up On My BeAcH.  
GAMZEE: i WaS jUsT gEtTiN mY pUzZlEqUeSt On AbOuT tHe LoNeSoMe NaTuRe Of ThE sEa, CaRe To CrAcK a FaYgO aNd CoGiTaTe WiTh ThIs MoThErFuCkEr?

You suppose as a purpleblood he probably doesn’t have a lot to fear from a shrimpy looking alien like you, but his utter guilelessness is throwing you off. You don’t get how this sweet, kind of smelly kid could grow up the way he will eventually grow up.

You step a bit closer and Gamzee closes his eyes, hands folded together like he’s praying. You don’t remember much Christian imagery associated with his clown bullshit, but…

Suddenly, the air above him flashes and a bottle of orange Faygo drops into his hands. He smiles at it with benediction, cracking the top with a hiss and taking a mouthful. He doesn’t drink like an adult, but in that way children do where they put their whole mouth over the lid, basically guaranteeing that their mouth juice goes back into the bottle when they finish drinking. He holds it out to you. You stare at the greasepaint on the rim of the bottle. You don’t think he’ll kill you for turning it down…

[Take the bottle.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676898)

[Refuse politely.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676823)  



	2. Refuse politely.

You hate to do refuse anything. Historically, you’ll follow a potential friend to the very limits of your body’s capacity for pain and deep into the murky waters of morality, but drinking the backwashy Faygo is just beyond you.

You tell him you’ve taken a vow of...soda abstinence. You’d love to share his drink, but you need to uphold your promise. It’s not an easy one to keep!

Gamzee looks at you with wonder.

GAMZEE: WhOa…  
GAMZEE: I aIn’T nEvEr HeArD oF sUcH a ThInG.  
GAMZEE: gUeSs I’m PrEtTy IsOlAtEd OuT hErE.  
GAMZEE: mY lUsUs DoEsN’t LiKe Me To EvEn Up An LeAvE tHe HiVe. AlWaYs GeTtIn HiS dIsCiPlInE oN aT mY gAzIn, BuT i LiKe To SeE hIm CoMe HoMe MoRe ThAn HiS gOaT sHrIeKs HuRt My EaRs, YoU fEeL?  
GAMZEE: i OnLy Go On ThE bEaCh, ThOuGh. DoN’t WaNt To SeEk HiS aNgEr AnY mOrE tHaN tHiS.  
GAMZEE: i AiN’t NeVeR eVeN bEeN tO cHuRcH.

You assure him that your experiences at clown church are not anything to be envious of. Even just thinking of being surrounded by ultraviolent clowns makes you shudder.

GAMZEE: tHe MeSsIaHs ExTeNd ThEiR iNvItAtIoNs To ThE fAiThFuL bAsEd On ThE mIrTh In ThEiR pAnS, nOt On ThEiR aTtEnDeNcE gRaDeS.

You think he’s probably more trying to convince himself than you. He almost looks fierce in his determination, the cloudy look from his eyes less important when he’s focused. He relaxes again and the ferocity vanishes. 

GAMZEE: cOuLd YoU tElL mE yOuR eXpErIeNcE aNyWaY?   
GAMZEE: cLoWnS fInD iT fUnNy To LiE tO oUtSiDeRs AnD rIgHt Is ThEiR jOy, BuT a MoThErFuCkEr Is LeFt WoNdErInG wHaT iS tRuTh AnD wHaT iS sToRy.

How does he know you won’t lie to him too?

GAMZEE: If It’S a FuNnY lIe I wOn’T cArE.  
GAMZEE: bUt A mOtHeRfUcKeR bEsT bE tElLiNg ThE tRuTh Of ThE wOrLd Or MoThErFuCkIn’ PeRfOrMiNg In TrUtH.  
GAMZEE: dOn’T wAnT nO mOtHeRfUcKiN sAcRiLiGe On My BeAcH.  
GAMZEE: yOu CaN sLaM aBoUt It iF iT mAkEs ThE tRuTh Up AnD sPeAk LoUdEr WhIsPeRs In YoUr MeMoRy TrOuGh.

[Slam.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48677165)  


[Just talk.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48677102)  



	3. Take the bottle.

You take the bottle and eye the fizz, cresting the top of the orange faygo much like the gentle waves on the beach. The simile doesn’t make you any more comfortable with exchanging bodily fluids with this guy. 

You force yourself not to think about it. You’ve done way worse than this. You tip the bottle up and take a mouthful and then hand it hurriedly back.

Gamzee smiles at you. 

GAMZEE: PuLl Up SoMe SaNd My AlIeN bRoSePh.

How does he know you’re an alien?

GAMZEE: HoNk. :o)  
GAMZEE: YoU dOn’T lOoK lIkE aNy TrOlL mOtHeRfUcKeR i EvEr LaId OcCuLaRs On. 

Fair.

Gamzee sits on the sand and you join him, making the socially astute choice to be not far enough away that he thinks you’re distant, but not so close that you’re brushing against his arm, in his grill. You’re pretty good at friendship these days.

GAMZEE: I tHiNk My MeSsIaHs ArE hAvInG tHeMsElVeS a GoOd ChUcKlE rIgHt AbOuT nOw.

Ah yes, the clown messiahs. Them laughing is...good?

GAMZEE: MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcUlOuS, mY jUiCiEsT oF pAlS!  
GAMZEE: hOnK hOnK hOnK!  
GAMZEE: tHoUgH sOmEtImEs ThEiR rIgHtEoUs HuMoUr Is At ThE mIsFoRtUnE oF tHeIr MoSt DeVoTeD, iT iS uNqUeStIoNaBlY gOoD.

What’s wrong?

GAMZEE: i WaS dOiNg PrAyInG rEaL fUcKiN’ hArD fOr My LuSuS tO cOmE hOmE, pIcTuRiNg HiS #ffffff sCaLeS.  
GAMZEE: aNd YoUr MiRaCuLoUs ViSaGe Up AnD wIgGlEd Up InTo My GrIlL lIkE a PaRtIcUlArLy ChEeKy ObLoNg MeAt PrOdUcT!  
GAMZEE: wHaT’s GoT yOuR uNeAsE sPrEaDiNg uPoN yOuR lOvElY vIsAgE, mY wOmB cOmPaNiOn?

You realise you’re grimacing at his way of speaking. You didn’t realise trolls had a concept of wombs, you thought they were a lot more...buggy than that. 

You assure Gamzee that this is a happy face. This is what you look like when you’re happy.

GAMZEE: DoN’t MoThErFuCkInG lIe To Me, StRaNgEr.

A shiver goes down your spine.

[Double down on your lie.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48677060)  


[Apologise.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676964)  



	4. Apologise.

You didn’t mean to offend him. You just felt like you were kind of caught between offending him and lying to him. Does he know the way he speaks is kind of off-putting?

GAMZEE: Oh YeAh.  
GAMZEE: My FrIeNdS cAn GeT aLl Up In ThEiR dIsTrEsS aBoUt ThE wAy I aLl To Be TaLkInG, bUt YoU gOtTa WoRdS yOu’Re GoNnA mOuTh, Am I rIgHt, MoThErFuCkEr?

Well, you’re not quite sure he’s right, but you don’t know that he’s wrong either. Close enough.

GAMZEE: BeIn DiReCt WiTh FoLk Is UsUaLlY tHe WaY tO gO.

You think the one thing you’ve taken from your experiences is that there aren’t clear rules for that kind of thing. Telling the truth can work for lots of people, and then can get you killed with others. Being polite can work but sometimes that makes them respect you less. Sometimes you think you’re just doomed to try all the options.

GAMZEE: yOu’Re CoNfUsInG mE nOw. :o(

Yeah, and you’re being “direct”! So much for that advice! And keeping your mouth shut rarely feels like an option and it’s hard to think of witty things to say on your feet and despite the fact that you’re the one constant in all your life’s experiences, you’ve never actually felt like a main character. Hell, you’re barely rendered at all! Look at your fucking legs!

GAMZEE: StOp WiTh ThEsE pArTiCuLaR wOrDs, MoThErFuCkEr, YoU’rE aLl Up AnD dOiN mE aN uPsEt.

You have full power over the story! You know more than anyone else! Scratch might have called himself omniscient, but did he ever really know these people? You have theories, man. You have pieced shit together. You think that there’s more significance to the Peter Pan motif than Vriska gets credit for and you’re ready to info dump all over someone who has only vaguely heard of Homestuck.

But you’re not going to be able to, because you’ve been ignoring how worked up Gamzee has been getting. His club flashes into his hand and he brings it down on your head with a heavy crack. You go down, hard, and peer up as he raises the club again. You want to beg for your life, but your jaw doesn’t seem to be working and you’re not sure it isn’t better to just start over.

[Back to start.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676745)   



	5. Double down on your lie.

No, no! You mean it! You’re an alien, this is what you look like when you’re pleased! You give him your most uncomfortable grimace, which is an easy expression to make given the way he’s looking at you. 

The sour smell coming from him that hadn’t seemed so bad before is suddenly stronger. Your nose crinkles and you look, if anything, more uncomfortable.

GAMZEE: i’m not a fool, motherfucker.

You gulp.

GAMZEE: I’LL GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE TO TELL ME THE TRUTH.

[Tell him you lied out of fear.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48677300)  


[Use your zappy powers.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48677432)  



	6. Just talk.

You decide what you really need to do is be straight with this clown. Really just get down and be honest about your time in clown church and the other trolls you’ve met. Gamzee seems like he’s seriously lacking in social interaction, maybe by describing your other friends he’ll get something out of it.

He falls asleep.

He only notice when he starts snoring, still sat perfectly upright. You’re so offended you can’t even remember why you came here in the first place. You storm away, just done with this whole friendship business.

[Back to start.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676745)   



	7. Slam.

You shrug, ready to get a little fresh with the clown. A little rude. Your slamming is downright nasty. You ask Gamzee if he’s even ready for this.

GAMZEE: MoThErFuCkEr YoU gOt My DeVoUt FuCkIn AtTeNtIoN aWwWwW yEaH!

That’s good to know, because school is officially in session.

GAMZEE: WhAt’S tHe WoRd, TeAcH?

You’ve got him engaged, bopping his head slightly to imaginary music, but you can only hype talk your own lyrical genius so long before you have to make the words rhyme.

Luckily for you, you’re not above plagiarising Earth musicians he’s definitely never heard of.

What you spit at him, using the meter of his head bobs and the ocean as your backing track, is a hideous Frankenstein monster of rap you’ve heard over your life, occasionally substituting a word in the middle of a sentence to be more clowny without disrupting the rhyme.

You get into it, taking Gamzee’s nods as encouragement. It’s not the first time a troll has asked you to rap with them, and you think you’re getting pretty good actually! Maybe you’ll take this show on the road, open mic nights at first until someone discovers you and asks you to open and then…

You get so caught up in your fantasy of being crowned the real Slim Shady that you drop your rhythm and forget what you were rapping. You awkwardly stop, looking at Gamzee to see if you’ve mortally offended him with your incompetence.

He hasn’t stopped bopping his head.

You poke him tentatively on the shoulder.

GAMZEE: MoThEr FuCk! :oO  
GAMZEE: WhErE tHe FuCk DiD yOu SnEaK aLl Up FrOm?

What? You’ve been here for ages. You were rapping for him, to tell him about clown church.

He looks at you dazedly.

GAMZEE: Aw MoThErFuCkEr I dIdN’t MeAn To ZoNe OuT oN yOu AnD fOrGeT yOu.  
GAMZEE: DiD i ThRoW oFf YoUr FlOw? :o(

No, of course not.

Your flow is eternal, like waterfalls off the edge of the planet, nothing’s stopping you.

GAMZEE: HoNk :o)

You wonder if he forgets things a lot.

GAMZEE: YeAh HaHaHa.

He looks out at the ocean. You wonder if he remembers why he’s here.

GAMZEE: WaItInG fOr My DaD.

No hesitation. Because he remembers this time or because he does it a lot?

As far as you can see, having father issues seems to be a side effect of either having a father, not having a father, or interacting with father-shaped people, or not doing that. “Those who don’t have father issues, have mother issues.” - Sigmund Freud. You are almost certain Sigmund Freud said that.

You don’t know what to do. Just because you empathise with this broken kid doesn’t mean that he won’t grow up to do a lot of harm. You don’t think there’s anything you can say to him that will stop him from doing what he eventually does, and even if there is, he might just forget it.

[Wait with Gamzee.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48677495)  


[Go talk to an expert.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48677258)  



	8. Go talk to an expert.

ZAP.

DAVE: dude this could not be a worse time

You grimace apologetically and turn away from Dave’s nearly naked body. 

ROSE: Anyone would think you have shame, Dave.

There’s a violent sound almost like velcro being unstuck and Dave whimpers.

ROSE: One more to go. I think I’m getting better.  
DAVE: i promise you youre not

Rose rips the final wax strip from Dave’s back and he makes another pained noise, this one more like words.

ROSE: He’s decent. Well, you can probably turn around without seeing more skin than any of us are comfortable seeing on Dave.

You tentatively peek over your shoulder. When you see that Dave has wrapped himself in several towels, probably covering even more of himself than his clothes would. Rose is wearing her usual seer garb and a very smug look. 

DAVE: so  
DAVE: you know my secret  
DAVE: my back is not naturally as smooth as my moves  
DAVE: dont tell john  
DAVE: or like anyone obviously  
DAVE: dont tell john or anyone

You won’t! You’re so good at secrets. Secrets and making friends and accomplicing crimes, those are your main strengths, probably.

ROSE: What brings you back to our time? You really have become quite a fixture in our story, haven’t you?

Not intentionally. You just wanted to know them. 

You came to ask Dave about time travel.

Dave looks uncomfortable. Maybe even more than he did when you first zapped in.

DAVE: look thats not really my area anymore

He’s the Knight of Time!

DAVE: nah im like  
DAVE: the dave of karkat maybe  
ROSE: Wow.  
DAVE: shut up rose of kanaya  
ROSE: I’m perfectly comfortable still calling myself Seer of Light.  
ROSE: But if you don’t need my expertise in waxing or knowing, I’m happy to leave you to it.

Well, future stuff is kinda light related, right?

ROSE: If I recall correctly, you tend to zone out if I get too technical.  
ROSE: So yeah, future stuff is pretty light related.

You could use all the help you can get, if you’re honest.

Dave leaves to put on pants and Rose makes tea while he’s out of the room. You sit on her couch and kick your legs awkwardly.

ROSE: Kanaya grew all the ingredients for this tea.

You love how proud the two of them are of each other. And the tea does smell excellent.

ROSE: Thank you.

Dave joins you, still looking kind of uncomfortable. You think it’s more about the questioning than the waxing, he didn’t seem too bothered by that.

DAVE: i havent time travelled for years  
DAVE: and unless you tell me that lives are literally at stake unless i personally have to do shit i will not do it now  
DAVE: and if you do i still probably wont believe you until rose does her shit and confirms it  
DAVE: right rose you wont make me time travel unless thats the only way right  
DAVE: see rose is cool

You don’t want him to time travel.

DAVE: oh cool

You just want to know, like...how it works.

DAVE: thats a super reassuring question to hear from the fucker who has bounced all over my timeline  
DAVE: i love hearing that you have no idea what youre doing  
DAVE: im even more comfortable with you having bigger and worse time travel powers than anything ive ever had than i was with john having those same powers  
DAVE: and i was so cool about john having those powers that i had to hibernate for 6 months  
DAVE: thats how cool i was

Rose rolls her eyes and puts a tea cup in Dave’s hands as if that will stop him from talking. Oh, it does.

ROSE: Did you perhaps have a more specific question?

Okay. So you know how if you have time travel powers the first thing you’re supposed to do is kill Hitler?

DAVE: NO  
DAVE: i mean  
DAVE: okay lets get the hitler hate on the table where its supposed to be  
DAVE: nobody wants hitler to be alive  
DAVE: facism is the enemy fuck that guy times a million and i wish i could go back and kill him but DUDE  
DAVE: that would only be for my own catharsis

Dave leans forward. You stare into his shades of wisdom.

DAVE: i am telling you right the fuck now that nothing good comes from time travel  
DAVE: it is a burden not a cool power for fun and games  
DAVE: maybe it would be more acceptable if it was just a cool power for fun and games  
DAVE: like if you used your powers to go back in time and party with the bloomsbury club  
ROSE: Could we do that? Is that a thing we could do?  
DAVE: ask aradia   
DAVE: because as i mentioned earlier  
DAVE: i dont fucking time travel anymore

Well you mostly used it to get to know him! And everyone else, but let’s be real, there’s a very high chance that Dave is your favourite charac—friend. Definitely top five, unless you’re in a particularly non-conformist mood.

DAVE: right okay well  
DAVE: just dont kill hitler  
DAVE: or anyone dont kill anyone in the past  
DAVE: its like you dont know anything about the events that lead to world war two  
DAVE: what it really comes down to  
DAVE: is the economy

You and Rose both groan. Dave takes a sip of his tea, clears his throat, and settles in for a long lecture.

DAVE: you think if you go back and kill hitler thats gonna change the great depression?  
DAVE: hey what about the politics of europe leading up to it i hear they were pretty fuckin tense  
DAVE: as in they had literally just had the first ever war between the entire fucking world pretty fucking recently  
DAVE: maybe the fact that an old ass and previously super fucking powerful country was suddenly feeling emasculated was not the fault of one dude  
DAVE: maybe the fact that germans were happy to vote for a facist was a signifier of a greater problem  
DAVE: maybe when people are poor and desperate they really need a scapegoat and when a leader of a country tells them that they can blame a minority for stealing jobs or hoarding money then they end up going  
DAVE: well fuck he wouldnt be the leader of the fucking country if he didnt know what he was saying  
DAVE: maybe scapegoats are really fucking convenient for politicians because so long as theyre rounding up “the problem” then they dont need to actually improve their citizens lives  
DAVE: which is pretty fucking convenient because there does not exist a policy anywhere that will improve every persons life  
DAVE: and maybe if we had trolls in government to be able to protest the generalisations and straight up LIES that theyre spewing then we wouldnt be in this mess in the first place but the ruling party has everyone thinking that they arent to be trusted!

Oh. Jane. You forgot.

DAVE: yeah i guess its easy to forget when you dont live here  
DAVE: and fuck us for voting for her right  
DAVE: guess what we didnt  
DAVE: we just happen to live in a place where most people did  
DAVE: because trolls make a fucking excellent scapegoat  
DAVE: but we nicknamed their empress after a fucking human for a reason  
DAVE: whatever dont kill hitler it never actually works and if it were me i wouldnt want to doom a timeline but with your bullshit powers im telling you not to somehow fuck up our situation even worse than what it already is  
DAVE: you think skaia is just some impartial system?  
DAVE: our doomed timelines werent pruned with gentle shears they were fucking mutilated  
DAVE: and then the dead fuckers had to fight again after theyd finally found peace  
DAVE: thats the world we live in  
DAVE: thats the reward for time travel

Dave slumps into the couch. You wonder if you should maybe pat his knee reassuringly. You look at Rose for guidance.

ROSE: We have, of course, considered going back in time and doing something about Jane.  
ROSE: But if we did that, it would be the equivalent of racing for a very effective bomb.   
ROSE: And while our powers are tactically significant, if we struck first she might be martyred. She might be replaced, and we might suddenly have a team of gods to contend with, wondering why we made it physical when Jane is just implementing policies that have the approval of democracy.

Maybe you shouldn’t have asked this particular Dave for time travel advice.

DAVE: dude my position on time travel has been solid since i first had to roll my dead 13 year old self out my window before any of my friends saw it and freaked out  
DAVE: the past has a sneaky way of always being that way anyway  
DAVE: youre much better fucking with the future

Time travelling to…the future?

DAVE: dude no?  
DAVE: enacting change right the fuck now and living with your choices just like everyone else does  
DAVE: look say you went back and knocked of HIC back when she was a wiggler  
DAVE: i mean on the one hand probably whatever pink blooded replacement troll probably would have had similar ideas because you didnt change fuck all about the society  
DAVE: but also thats DONE now  
DAVE: karkat has grown up there and people have died and it SUCKS  
DAVE: but its done its written  
DAVE: and if you went and changed it youd be changing them  
DAVE: how about instead while youre trying to figure out if you can go through with bashing a wigglers head in i start a fucking support group  
DAVE: i do the actual work listening to my partners trauma

You’re sorry. You didn’t mean to diminish his efforts.

ROSE: The fact of the matter is, there’s no easy way out.  
ROSE: People right now are attracted to Jane’s message because nobody ever told her that her ideas lacked nuance, so she’s confident.   
ROSE: She believes she is a god. And so do her voters.

You decide that now is not the time to point out that she kind of is. 

ROSE: We can keep fighting, though.   
ROSE: And I suppose you won’t stick around, but we will.  
ROSE: We could technically fly away to some different planet, start from scratch.  
ROSE: But we won’t.

Would you staying even make a difference?

ROSE: I don’t know and I wouldn’t tell you if I did.   
ROSE: If you’re only staying because you think you’ll be our saviour, then you can go back to impersonating a mail carrier.   
ROSE: But if you can live with the possibility of only being one more person willing to stand up, then you’re welcome to come for dinner.   
DAVE: kanayas making lasagna   
DAVE: theres probably bugs involved but im not gonna lie i prefer it with bugs now  
ROSE: No, you don’t.  
DAVE: if i keep saying it maybe itll be true

Okay. You’ll stay a while.

[Back to start.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676745)   



	9. Tell him you lied out of fear.

Gamzee shakes his head, disappointed. He points in the direction you came and it takes you shamefully long to realise that he’s dismissing you.

[Back to start.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676745)   



	10. Use your zappy powers.

He’s starting to get aggressive. This was what you were afraid of and what you were waiting for simultaneously. You reach out to touch him, chasing after his shoulder when he pulls it back instinctively, and...ZAP.

He’s gone. Not gone as in from here to somewhere, gone as in nowhere. You exhale shakily. Done. 

No one to kill Equius and Nepeta on the meteor. No one to whisper nightmares into June’s universe. No one to raise Caliborn into the monstrous child who would one day be the capital-v Villain of all the universes you’ve visited. And you don’t know how, but you’re pretty sure he was the reason Jake’s Earth-C was so awful.

There’s no reason to stay here. You decide to make sure you haven’t fucked everything irretrievably.

ZAP.

You emerge at the battle of the black king. You crouch on a lilypad nervously and watch as Vriska still strikes the killing blow. They manage without him, though not without cost. Feferi heals Karkat’s broken body from where he charged too enthusiastically and was crushed by one of the king’s tenta-limbs. He sits up and you decide to move on.

ZAP.

Dave and Rose descend to join the meteor, a little more crowded than you expected. Not only did Gamzee’s victims survive, but so too did the other trolls. You frown, unsure what it is you changed. Should you go back? No, better to see where this is going.

ZAP.

Earth C. You’re in Jake’s house again. Last time you didn’t see Jane and Gamzee, but you sure heard them. This time it’s silent. 

You climb the stairs, hand hovering on top of the handrail rather than touching it. You don’t want to ruin the immaculateness of this mansion. You don’t know where you’re going, but you’re pretty confident you’re not going to walk in on Gamzee banging Jane, which is something. 

You open a door at random. Tavros(?) sits on the bed. Human Tavros(?), that is, Jake and Jane’s son, who may be called something else now that troll Tavros never got impaled. 

TAVROS?: You’re a stranger.

Yeah, you guess you are. You’re a friend of his dad’s though, you promise. Does he know where Jake is?

Tavros(?) grimaces at your words. You go over them in your head to try and figure out what you said.

TAVROS?: His room is next to mine.

Tavros(?) puts headphones on pointedly and flicks a switch on the side. He gives you an ironic thumbs up. You’ve learned how to tell when someone is fucking with you just from their gestures.

You leave Tavros(?) to it and open the next door. Jake is lying on his stomach on his bed, reading a comic book. He shoves it under his pillow and stands to attention immediately when you walk in.

JAKE: Oh!  
JAKE: Its just you.  
JAKE: I thought you were jane. Not that that would be a problem!   
JAKE: But its you anyway, so the not problem that it wasnt isnt a thing!  
JAKE: Come in, china plate!

He drags you into his bedroom and sticks his head out the door before closing it gently enough that it doesn’t make a sound.

You ask him if he remembers you.

JAKE: Of course i do buddy!  
JAKE: After that adventure where you helped me with that randy plant business, how could i forget?

Oh. Yeah, you’d tried to push that particular friendship affair waaaay down. 

JAKE: Say no more, campadre! Some vaults should be left unplundered.

So, he and Jane still are…?

JAKE: Oh yes, shes my ball AND my chain if you catch my drift.  
JAKE: Im a very lucky man.

You think unfortunately that you do. Is Dirk…?

JAKE: He...has assumed room temperature, yes. But friend, you already knew this!

You did, but you thought you might have changed some things. Like, most things, even. You thought your choice was going to have universe altering effects!

JAKE: *Your* choice?  
JAKE: Pal, you know id rather dangle a piranha from my happy sack than question you, but what kind of choice could you make that would have ramifications of that girth?

Well, you’re here. You’re in the stor—You’re using your magic powers. And you used them for something a bit more important than saving Jake’s vegetative virtue. Not that that wasn’t important, but…

Jake’s looking at you curiously. He’s uncharacteristically serious, and reminding you almost of June. You wonder if she’s discovered herself earlier without the oppression of this goddamn story. 

Except the story isn’t looking that much less oppressive.

Hey, what are Kanaya and Rose up to?

JAKE: I couldnt tell you.  
JAKE: I havent seen them in a good long while.  
JAKE: I think theyre a bit miffed what with Janes…

Jake shrugs and moves his hand vaguely as if to reference all the xenophobic politics his wife engages in. You’ve found that Jake is very good at gestures.

Okay. You need to go forward. You don’t think Jake will mind you cutting your visit short.

You zap around his timeline and then in the other one, and then in some bizarro third one you hadn’t read about, but everywhere seems to be holding mostly stable even without Gamzee. You zap back to the very start, to before the game, in June’s backyard. John, you remind yourself. She’ll be confused if you call her June before she even calls herself that.

(It’s a grey area of time travel, but you’re pretty sure the rule about not forcing people to come out before they’re ready trumps a contextually acceptable misgendering. You don’t want to go to the future where June is all grown up to ask her, you want things to be simple again.)

You slump dejectedly against the ridiculous slimer pogo ride. You see movement in June’s window and not long after, she springs out the front door, full of energy. She really was a happy kid.

JOHN: you’re back!  
JOHN: rose said you visited her as well, but i couldn’t tell if she was fucking with me.

Yeah, you visited her.

JOHN: you seem kinda down. what’s up?

You don’t know if you want to talk about it. But you do, anyway. You explain how you thought you were doing something important, essential even. And how it didn’t seem to make a difference. And maybe the thing was bad. And there wasn’t even a good outcome.

Are you a bad person?

JOHN: i dunno.

You could probably use a little cheering up, you hint.

JOHN: i don’t know if i even know what a bad person is.  
JOHN: i used to think they were like villains in movies, but lately i’m not sure.  
JOHN: sometimes if i ask my dad if a character is a good guy or a bad guy he can not tell me.  
JOHN: and i think he prefers movies like that?  
JOHN: it’s a lot easier when the bad guys are the ones who go to prison, but then cameron poe went to prison and he was a good guy. though he did kill that guy at the start.   
JOHN: is cameron poe a bad guy?  
JOHN: nope, not gonna think about that today. that can go in the vault.

This family sure does say some concerning stuff. Actually, every person you’ve ever met seems to go out of their way to disturb you.

JOHN: so i dunno if you’re a bad guy or not.   
JOHN: would that change something?

You sit up and look at him quizzically. Yeah, John, your underlying morality and choices are pretty fucking important, or you’ve always thought so. What do you know, though? You’re just some idiot who put their hand in a glowy house thing.

JOHN: i mean, it’s not like you could be put in prison, you’re too zappy.  
JOHN: and it seems like the idea of being a bad guy bothers you, so you probably want to do the right thing.  
JOHN: and you can’t go back and change what you did, can you?  
JOHN: so what really matters is that you try in the future.  
JOHN: a good guy isn’t a guy who never does bad things.   
JOHN: i don’t think that’s even a guy, no body is perfect. 

Shhh, shut up. He’s talking too much. He said an important thing and then he kept saying other stuff that doesn’t matter. 

You can go back and change what you did.

You stand up, ready to zap away, but then…

If you stop yourself from zapping away Gamzee, then you’re the one who is responsible for the trolls on the meteor dying, if nothing else. 

But right now, you’re responsible for Gamzee dying. 

You slump back onto the grass.

You don’t know what to do. You can feel the fork of time approaching, the binary choice of stopping your past self or allowing things to stay as is imminently clickable, but you don’t want to face the choice yet. You press your face into the grass, putting off the time when you have to do anything. 

[Back to start.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676745)  


  



	11. Wait with Gamzee.

You sit on the beach with Gamzee and wait for his lusus. Sometimes he forgets you’re there and startles himself again when he catches you in the corner of his eye. Sometimes he goes on long rambling stories about his friends. He likes to ask you questions, but you’re never sure how much he’s taking in.

It’s desperately sad. He isn’t, he’s passive at worst and delighted in small miracles at best, but as much as you’ve sometimes thought a less complicated life would be nicer, he makes a tragic figure. 

You feel like you should wait for him until his lusus returns, but you’re starting to realise Gamzee might have already been waiting on the beach for days and you don’t know if your presence is helping.

When you tell him you’re leaving, he gives you a bony, smelly hug. It feels cruel to be repulsed by him, but you are. Maybe in another timeline you got a good end. Maybe this is the good end. You’ll have to wait for the title card.

[Back to start.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510372/chapters/48676745)   



End file.
